Spring Dew (springdew) wrote,
Spring Dew

In honor of ...

Mostly for spc476 - "Still Alive" on carillon.

My computer crashed and lost all data while I was working on this, but George Carlin suggested one time taking the word "kill" out of movie quotes and substituting the word "fuck" instead, but why stop with movies? This led to loads of fun earlier. Here's just a taste:

If your time ain't come not even a doctor can fuck you.
Author: American Proverb

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you fucked, no matter which side he's on.
Author: Joseph Heller

I have never fucked a man, but I have read many obituaries with a lot of pleasure.
Author: Clarence Darrow

fuck not the goose that lays the golden egg.
Author: Proverb

Men love their ideas more than their lives. And the more preposterous the idea, the more eager they are to die for it. And to fuck for it.
Author: Edward Abbey

. . . congenital fuckers and criminals are possessed of not one but two Y chromosomes, bearing a double dose, as it were, of genetically undesirable maleness.
Author: Elizabeth Gould Davis

You must fuck the spider to get rid of the cobweb.
Author: Maltese Proverb

I am prepared to die, but there is no cause for which I am prepared to fuck.
Author: Mahatma Gandhi

What was the point of being scared? The only thing they could do to me was fuck me and it seemed like they'd been trying to do that a little bit at a time ever since I could remember.
Author: Fannie Lou Hamer

I believe in compulsory cannibalism. If people were forced to eat what they fucked, there would be no more wars.
Author: Abbie Hoffman

Nobody ever invented a polite word for a fucking yet.
Author: Thelma Ritter

Edit: Please, sir, I want some more.

One fucks a man, one is an assassin; one fucks millions, one is a conqueror; one fucks everybody, one is a god
Jean Rostand

You can fuck a man, but you can't fuck an idea.
Myrlie Evers

fuck if you must, but never hate: Man is but grass and hate is blight, The sun will scorch you soon or late, Die wholesome then, since you must fight
Robert Graves

Wild animals never fuck for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself.
James Anthony Froude

Guys die down here on a regular basis-that's the reality. They die here for a nickel. They are fucked for a piece of change or because somebody looks at somebody wrong.
Mark Holthaus

Can anything be stupider than that a man has the right to fuck me because he lives on the other side of a river and his ruler has a quarrel with mine, though I have not quarrelled with him?
Blaise Pascal

If it's natural to fuck, how come men have to go into training to learn how?
Joan Baez

     Sandy MacReedy:
I want you to fuck every gopher on the course.
     Carl Spackler:
Correct me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I fuck all the golfers they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key.
     Sandy MacReedy:
Gophers! You great git! Not golfers! The little brown furry rodents!
     Carl Spackler:
We can do that. We don't even have to have a reason.

La Femme Nikita
Sit down. If you move, I will fuck you.

The Duelists
     Armand D'Hubert:
We came here to fuck each other. Any ground is suitable for that.

Tags: humor
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